Which means I'll be out of the loop.

Oh, and I lost my cellphone, too. Which is a good thing 'cause I actually wanted that to happen. Yes, it's a part of the cryptic post about clean slates I posted days ago.

Anyhoo, see you soon. Hopefully.

It was 4AM and I was leafing through my writing notebook when I stumbled upon this.

There was much to learn. And much more to unlearn. The process of learning, the thawing process, the breaking down and redefining myself and the world involved an apocalyptic destruction of the ego. There had to be nothing left of me. I had to cease to exist. Only through a devastating holocaust of memory could I regain my malleability. Only through the extinction of the past, my entire history, could I survive and flourish in the present.

I have yet to finish the book. And Im'ma be tackling that when I go home. Ah, the sweet life of being a bum. :)

P.S. The Wolverine movie sucked BIGTIME. (Yep, it leaked on the internet,) It was boring and blah and plain horrible.

SONNET 141
In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,
Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;
Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted,
Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,
Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited
To any sensual feast* with thee alone*:
But my five wits* nor my five senses can
Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,
Who leaves unsway'd the likeness of a man*,
Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be:
Only my plague thus far I count my gain,
That she that makes me sin awards me pain.

I have been catching up on Shakespeare but not in the highbrow kinda way. I just finished Hamlet (Ethan Hawke, 'nuff said.) and 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm dl-ing O nao.

I am a bored geek.

I am leaving for Davao in two months so if you guys wanna jam, record, shoot or do anything creative together, please let me know.

Besides, I am very very very bored.

Kuya Reev asked me to be his assistant for this one so if you can spare 150 pesos (yeah, I know), drop by Abelardo Hall myang 2PM. :)

After two weeks minus a day of seeing the Blue Screen of Death, I finally had Barney over at PC Express Gilmore to have it checked.

I got a defective unit, apparently. Good news: They are replacing it. Bad news: Barney will no longer be in hot pink. It'll be in white now. Oh, and all my files are deleted now, too.

So I am basically starting from scratch. And that seemed to be a hard thing to do given the fact that I had to delete all my mp3s and movies but I got to do what I got to do. Besides. it's not as if it'll kill me, right?

And in many ways, there is more to this blog entry that I am letting on. Give Rose Melberg's Four Walls a listen. (Heck, give her a listen. Period.)

And no, this is not about how sucky my love life is. Thank you very much.

P.S. Barney's new color reminds me of clouds after the rain and clean slates. I like that.

Because I cannot sleep
I make music at night.
I am troubled by the one
whose face e has the color of spring flowers.
I have neither sleep nor patience,
neither a god reputation nor disgrace.
A thousand robes of wisdom are gone.
All my good manners have moved a thousand miles away.
The heart and the mind are left angry with each other.
The starts and the moon are envious of each other.
Because of this alienation the physical universe
is getting tighter and tighter.
The moon says, "How long will I remain
suspended without a sun?"
Without Love's jewel inside of me,
let the bazaar of my existence by destroyed stone by stone.
O Love, You who have been called by a thousand names,
You who know how to pour the wine
into the chalice of the body,
You who give culture to a thousand cultures,
You who are faceless but have a thousand faces,
O Love, You who shape the faces
of Turks, Europeans, and Zanzibaris,
give me a glass from Your bottle,
or a handful of bheng from Your Branch.
Remove the cork once more.
The we'll see a thousand chiefs prostrate themselves,
and a circle of ecstatic troubadours will play.
Then the addict will be breed of craving.
and will be resurrected,
and stand in awe till Judgement Day.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ode 314

Those who don't feel this Love
pulling them like a river,
those who don't drink dawn
like a cup of spring water
or take in sunset like supper,
those who don't want to change, 

let them sleep. 

This Love is beyond the study of theology,
that old trickery and hypocrisy.
I you want to improve your mind that way, 

sleep on. 

I've given up on my brain.
I've torn the cloth to shreds
and thrown it away. 

If you're not completely naked,
wrap your beautiful robe of words
around you, 

and sleep.

This is on repeat.

Must listen tracks are What Passes For Silence, The Perfect Crime, Take This Lying Down and Midweek Midmorning.

I have been looking at old Myx pictures on Tito Boy's Facebook. And it made me a little sad.

Whatever it is that has happened in the past is past. I would not be where I am now if not for Myx.

Fade in It Started With a Mixx by Los Campesinos!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will you continue to be friends with someone who clearly does not value your friendship?

I am beginning to get tired of trying to understand why he keeps on acting like a jerk when all I do is be nice to him.

To think that hell, I should really be hating him for the way he treated me that night.

But meh, I am sitting this one out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Choose to Act Mar 19, '09 2:22 PM for Christopher's contacts I am at the fork of destiny. I am confused. And yet I must choose. And yet I must act. I am a fool and I know this. But understand that I am a fool Because I have been fooled. And yet I know that I must choose. And yet I know that I must act. I must act because you are perfect. More so that I cannot act, Because with every passing moment, Despite my misgivings, You still are and will truly be perfect. And yet here I stand, On the fork of destiny, Unable to choose, Unable to act. Because I am falling, And hopefully, I will choose to act. And you will act to choose me. (seriously, that was the last emo post! thank you and good night multiply!) Tags: you, me Prev: Ginagamit mo lang ata ako... Fate has been smiling down on me lately. :)

I was watching Reality Bites (for the nth time, I know) when my phone rang. It was Ms. Mitch from Business World. She got the Managing Editor’s feedback and I was scheduled for an interview next week.

(Business World does not do interviews unless the applicant passes their exam.)

I was shocked.

You know why?

1.     It the most grueling exam ever since UPCAT.  It went on for five hours straight. 9AM to 1PM. No breaks. I had to write 6 essays about economy, politics and society. There was the seemingly endless IQ, vocabulary, personality, decision-making exams. AND the four sets (!) of math problem sets to be solved. And the tests were timed! Ugh, I hate exams.

2.     But the real reason why I was shocked is because I passed when the only reason why I went there was to prove a point.

I wrote about my politics there. I did not go about the essays kissing their asses. Sure, I am bumming right now but principles always come first.

I wrote about how I do not vote because it is basically the same senseless circus every single time.

I wrote on how the news should never be construed as the truth because it is basically just a bunch of “stories” deemed important by the gatekeepers who were protecting their own interests.

I wrote about how there were two types of Filipinos: nanggagago at nagpapagago.

I wrote about how I am sick of hearing everybody else whine about the sinking ship that is our country. Mapa-mayaman, mahirap, nakapag-aral,hindi nakapag-aral, walang ginawa kundi ngumawa. We are a noisy people. When will we ever shut up and just do something meaningful for a change?

I also wrote about my decision to stay here even with all the crappy things going on around here ‘cause even if I did write about us being stupid sometimes, I still love this country and there is still hope for lasting change. Real change. The one triggered by love. Not money. Not money. That is if we only choose to end this victim cycle and take the reins of our lives. (Everyone listen to Over The Ocean by Nine Black Alps now.)

I also wrote about they should not listen to me because I was just a smartass trying to act all cool when in fact she does know shit, anyways.

And still, I will be interviewed by the Managing Editor. Interesting.

P.S. The film school gig is still my number one priority, though.

I am leaving for a Business World field reporter exam in an hour. I just got back from an awesome Sunday with Mom and my bro. The three new boys in my life namely: Troy Dyer (silver/gray Ipod Nano Video), Sebastian Valmont (metallic gray Canon Powershot A590 IS) and Barney Stinson (HOT PINK Neo Vivid) are beyond amazing. Fate seems to be smiling down at me cause I scored a black shirt that reads: Love illuminates the stars.

I cannot stress this enough. I love my life.

:D

(reposted from Edi's blog)

You're BeautifulDear Registry of Marriages (Singapore),
CC: Land Transportation Authority, cynicalsingapore@yahoogroups.com

When you think you'd seen almost anything and everything--and you're tired of it--life suddenly just presents you with one of its little but sweet surprises. And it just leaves you breathless.

I saw a couple today at the corner of Bencoolen and Middle Street. At first, I thought they were just part of the Friday crowd rushing the night away. They were trying to beat the crossing stop light but fell a few steps late. So they just stood there waiting, just like any other pedestrian on the rush.

Then they hugged each other, just like any other couple. They waited for the crossing stop light to go green, just like everybody else rushing.

The red light turned green and they didn't move an inch. The stop light switched more than ten times, they were still wrapped in each others' arms, with their heads resting on each others' shoulder. I was just behind them, watching.

I can't help but wonder, in a country where almost every person is just like any other, rushing to beat the stop light, the bus schedule, the taxi queue, the last unoccupied seat in McDonald's.... and trust me, a lot more.... how can two people have enough time to ignore about twenty rounds of valuable stop light time?

I stood behind them for about twenty minutes (that's almost as much time one needs to go to somewhere ten MRT stations away). There they were, as if totally oblivious of the fact that I, just like any other pedestrian, was watching them.

Some sneered at them. Afterall, they were standing in the middle of the pathway and everybody around them were like falling autumn leaves, all racing to the ground. But I knew, that a part of them spectators somehow wished they could be like this couple. A part of them wished they could love so much, enough not to care about the consequences of expressing it beyond norms (and probably, to the detriment of cynical, law-abiding citizens such as myself).

But Honestly, it was a classic moment. I was just being a bitter tight-assed loser, lah! Sleepless in Singapore: almost like a scene in a cheesy romantic movie.

It was beautiful. They were beautiful-- a lot of people, as cynical as I am might never be able to live and love in manner as beautifully silly, especially in the middle of sleepless, impatient, socially contrived Singapore.

But there they were, like buds of young leaves blossoming in the height of autumn, just when every other leaf had chosen to fall with the others.

Amidst the unrhythmic noise of the crossroad, in a crowded street beside two traffic lights, two people found peace.

I, the cynical,  just stood there breathless and, not to mention, envious.

Signed,
A Random Singaporean Stranger

P.S. I am not sure I addressed my letter to the right recipients.

It was finally over.

After two weeks of sleeplessness, red eyes, stressing, cramming, dealing with insensitive, kampante groupmatess, asking for extension of deadlines, fighting with Murphy 'til the very last second and begging for my friends' help (which btw I am very very thankful for), we finally finished Tanya's project.

And now we're off to Ella's house in Bataan for some r&r. God knows we three deserve it.

The beach, here we come! Oh yeah! :D

I was reading my kadiri college blog and in between the drama, all the whining and the trying to be witty entries, I stumbled upon this.

Monday, October 23, 2006
Almost Famous.

Say I was a rock star.  And Spin (Yes, Spin! I know right! haha) will send me a William Miller-ish journalist to ask what music for me is.  You know know what I will tell him?

"Music is like listening to his voice break, seeing a tear slowly creeping in behind those beautiful eyes.  You yearn to kiss it, you yearn to touch his face and make him smile.  For you love seeing him smile.  But you can't.  Nothing can make him heal but himself.  Or time, maybe.

So instead, you reach for his hand.  You are taken aback on how nice it feels.  Like it is the most natural thing in the world.  You don't want to let go but you will eventually.  For it is not yet time or it will never be time; one can really never tell.

But he looks up and into your eyes.  And you drown and you drown and you drown in the depths of his eyes.  Then you know.  There's no turning back.

It is in that moment that music is defined."

Haha, ang paprofound o! :D

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was such a drama queen back in college!

I know it's just Myspace but I am all in such a giddy mode because an awesome musician added me!

Her name is Dana Boule. And she just is dreamy.

I mean, seriously this is a girl that you just have to hear.

Check her out, you guys.
http://www.myspace.com/danaboule
http://kungfudana.blogspot.com/

Hi from a Brooklyn musicienne in Paris. :) Dana - Isn't she the sweetest!

Wiii, I'm in a fangrrrl mode! :)

No matter how upset I get with the things that life is throwing at me, I still choose to smile. 

There are still reasons to be happy.  Life is beautiful.

I will figure a way out of this labyrinth.

Thanks.

A serious family problem involving Mom popped up today.

ABS-CBN's bureaucracy fuckin' sucks.

Tanya, Ate Joy and I need another place to stay because my fuckin' landlord is hitting on me.

I need anger management classes.

I have Tanya's project to think about.

I have yet to sleep in three days.

Punyeta. Gusto kong uminom.

Despite being drunk the night before and just having an hour's worth of sleep, I was in my Energizer bunny "in the zone" self with Tanya's Humanities project I am directing when my phone started beeping. It was 5PM.

First, it was Ms. Analyn (Regal's HR) texting me if I can call the office tomorrow over something really important. I just shrugged off, thinking it was prolly the keys to the filing cabinet again. I proceeded with the shoot and figured I would just reply later.

I put my phone away and finished Joan's high school kid scene.

When I got back to my phone, I was surprised to see a missed call and 3 text messages. My phone rarely beeps/rings when I am not employed. Besides, I don't have any friends, haha.

Of course, I am kidding. I love you guys! You know who you are. :D

Anyways, the missed call was from Ms. Analyn. Two of those messages were from Mom, asking about we will meet to go to ABS the morning after (which is today, come to think of it). But the last one really took me by surprise.

It was from Ms. Roselle. Yes, Mother Lily's daughter aka my immediate boss in Regal who I love to death.

Her message: Hi Angel, will you come back sa Regal?

It was shocking to the extreme. But I pushed it aside for a while since I have stuff to finish and I had to go to Cabal's place to get the firewire for the camera. Only to figure out later on that I don't really have to borrow it on the first place since we're editing at his place. (Francis, that was a good laugh! haha)

But now, it's 3:16 AM and I couldn't sleep.

(Note: The early hours of the day is Angel's whole contemplation, stripped off her shell hours. So if you wanna hear me talk minus all the bullshit I throw in for fun sometimes, talk to me at 2 or 3AM.)

Since I dunno what to do about it, I'm staying put. Sometimes, the best course of action to something confusing is just leaving things the way they are.

The world does not need more drama. And I always believed that things will ultimately be okay in the end, whatever happens.

Besides, I'm seeing Mom later. As the commercial said, Moms know best. And this is really a crazy crazy 2009. haha

I made Tito Paul watch Dead Poets Society last night. I know, I am such an Ethan Hawke fan girl. haha

And that got me thinking about Elizabeth Barett Browning, one of my favorite poetess of all time.

Unlike the cool, literate kids out there who knew about Browning through school or their 'rents, I stumbled upon Browning reading Sweet Valley High. Yes, I read those while growing up. haha

Sweet Valley Kids, Sweet Valley Twins, The Unicorn Club, Sweet Valley University, even the sucky Sweet Valley Senior Year. And of course, the twins' diaries.

Browning was Liz' fave poetess. Regina Morrow's was Edna St. Vincent Millay. I loved Regina, too bad she got killed kinda early.

But anyhoo, here is the poem I have been thinking of last night.

Sleep, The by Elizabeth Barett Browning

Of all the thoughts of God that are
Borne inward unto souls afar,
Along the Psalmist`s music deep,
Now tell me if that any is,
For gift or grace, surpassing this -
`He giveth His beloved sleep`?

What would we give to our beloved?
The hero`s heart to be unmoved,
The poet`s star - tuned harp, to sweep,
The patriot`s voice, to teach and rouse,
The monarch`s crown, to light the brows?
He giveth His beloved, sleep.

What do we give to our beloved?
A little faith all undisproved,
A little dust to overweep,
And bitter memories to make
The whole earth blasted for our sake.
He giveth His beloved, sleep.

`Sleep soft, beloved!` we sometimes say,
But have no tune to charm away
Sad dreams that through the eye - lids creep.
But never doleful dream again
Shall break the happy slumber when
He giveth His beloved, sleep.

O earth, so full of dreary noises!
O men, with wailing in your voices!
O delved gold, the wailers heap!
O strife, O curse, that o`er it fall!
God strikes a silence through you all,
He giveth His beloved, sleep.

His dews drop mutely on the hill;
His cloud above it saileth still,
Though on its slope men sow and reap.
More softly than the dew is shed,
Or cloud is floated overhead,
He giveth His beloved, sleep.

Aye, men may wonder while they scan
A living, thinking, feeling man
Confirmed in such a rest to keep;
But angels say, and through the word
I think their happy smile is heard -
`He giveth His beloved, sleep.`

For me, my heart that erst did go
Most like a tired child at a show,
That sees through tears the mummers leap,
Would now its wearied vision close,
Would child - like on His love repose,
Who giveth His beloved, sleep.

And, friends, dear friends, - when it shall be
That this low breath is gone from me,
And round my bier ye come to weep,
Let One, most loving of you all,
Say, `Not a tear must o`er her fall;
He giveth His beloved, sleep.`

Maybe I should start reading this for Me and You. That's a thought.